farts

[ABSOLUT CHARVEL]

Don't fart in bed
> > > This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for
> > > years.
> > > The only friction
> > > in their marriage was the husband's habit of
> > farting loudly every morning
> > > when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the
> > smell would make her
> > > eyes water and make her gasp for air. Every morning
> > she would plead with
> > > him to stop ripping them off because it was making her
> > sick. He told her
> > > he
> > > couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly
> > natural. She told him to see a
> > > doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow
> > his guts out. The
> > > years went by and he continued to rip them out! Then
> > one Thanksgiving
> > > morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner
> > and he was upstairs
> > > sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had
> > put the turkey innards
> > > and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and
> > a malicious thought
> > > came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where
> > her husband was
> > > sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers,
> > she pulled back the
> > > elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the
> > bowl of turkey guts
> > > into
> > > his shorts. Some time later she heard her husband
> > waken with his usual
> > > trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling
> > scream and the sound of
> > > frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom. The
> > wife could hardly
> > > control
> > > herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in
> > her eyes! After
> > > years
> > > of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty
> > good. About twenty
> > > minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his
> > bloodstained underpants
> > > with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as
> > she asked him what
> > > was
> > > the matter. He said, 'Honey, you were right.'
> > 'All these years you have
> > > warned me and I didn't listen to you.'
> > 'What do you mean?' asked his
> > > wife. 'Well, you always told me that one day I
> > would end up farting my
> > > guts
> > > out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace
> > of God, some
> > > Vaseline and two fingers, I think I got most of them
> > back
> > > in.'